All Hail Tom the Turkey

I'm not sure if you were aware of this or not, but Thanksgiving is approaching! And do you know what that means?

It means that for a few brief moments, we get to see our Lord and Master, Tom the Turkey.May His Waddle Be Long.

Can't you see the mercilessness, the dedication to justice behind those thickly lashed eyes? Note the bow and collar. Tom is a classy turkey,too.

As has been noted by countless historians and political pundits around the globe, Tom is an enigmatic turkey overlord. Despite his unquestionable power and influence over this great country of ours, he only appears to the masses at the beginning of the annual Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.

Search for him on YouTube and you'll discover that of what few videos exist, they are often veiled in mist.

Or Tom will appear coyly with the bobbing of his head and a wink from behind a building or tree.


But this only adds to his power, his mystery, his undeniably magnetic personality.

Just like you, I am counting the days until Tom condescends to our level for those brief, overly commercialized hours on NBC.

Tom isn't just my Lord and Master, he's also the single impression I do. Yes, that's right: the only impression I can manage is that of a giant mechanical turkey parade float. And if you you bring muffins and if I like you and if you ask nicely, then and only then will I show you my sacred impression of Tom the Turkey.

I am not worthy of so great a talent.