Thank You, Internet

So I was just reminiscing with my twin sister about the awful videos we had to watch in school when we were kids. In particular I remember a sex ed video from fifth grade in which a boy wakes up from a wet dream and then begins to frantically pour ketchup all over his sheets while his mom calls him from downstairs. I was SO CONFUSED by this video. As far as I remember it offered no explanation for what was going on at all. I thought he was bleeding or something, hence the use of the ketchup to conceal it.

Of course, I was pretty clueless. My issues with blood and penises go way back.

I remember one summer at Watch Hill, RI where my family would often gather for a few days of strained summer fun. One afternoon I got a headache so my aunt and uncle let me lay down in their bedroom. I picked up the book sitting on the table and began reading at a random spot. Well, reader, I had inadvertently picked up a romance novel and opened it to the first sex scene. I suspect it was a historical romance because the heroine was a virgin and she was startled by the sight of the man's penis. It took me YEARS to realize that I must have misread "engorged with blood" as "encrusted with blood." For years afterwards I seriously thought that blood got on the outside of the penis and I was SO FREAKED OUT.

Ah, youth.

I would love to show you that sex ed video, but alas it is too daunting to wade through all the youtube videos that get queued up when you search "sex ed." However, this got me thinking about the fantastically awful science lab safety video I watched in 10th grade. And guess what? It's on freaking youtube.

THANK YOU, INTERNET.

Here's my favorite part:


Remember, never let modesty get in the way of your safety, kids!