Mini Morning Rant

Good morning! It's a gorgeous morning in Vermont. There's a fresh, light dusting of snow on the ground, the sun is shining, and the sky is clear, giving me a lovely view of the mountains from my window. I should be singing! Skipping! Gamboling! Possibly even hugging little woodland creatures.

Alas, I have a little rant to get out of my system, which I argued about in my head last night (I argue with imaginary people in my head all the time) but was too cold to get out of bed to write down.

So here it is!

First, a confession: I like to read the comments on blogs and online articles. I don't mean on little, literary blogs where everyone is helpful and polite (yes, I read those, but it doesn't really warrant a confession), I mean on popular gossip blogs and newspapers. I'm talking about the comments that spew hatred, make no sense, and use coarse language--often spelled incorrectly.

Maybe it's my version of a car accident. I don't like staring at those at all, despite everyone insisting that everyone else loves to do that. But I can't look away from the outbursts, the meaningless garble, the raw craziness that often come out in these anonymous comments.

And recently this bad habit of mine has introduced me to several words for the vagina that I'd never heard before. Now, I debated whether or not I could even use the word "vagina" on this blog, but I figured that if The Higher Power of Lucky can use the word "penis" and cause a frenzy, then go on to win the Newbury without also bringing about the nuclear destruction of the planet, it was probably okay. We don't need to say "lady bits" here, right?

But "lady bits" is far and away preferable to some of the new words and phrases I've discovered. How about "slit", "gash" or "slash?" Or, the worst of all: "axe wound?"

Um, are you kidding me? We are now referring to female anatomy as a violent crime? As if a man (I picture a psychotic Jack Nicholson from "The Shining") hefted an axe and sliced a woman open!? Which then leads to the inevitable question: did he cut off her penis?

Maybe I am going all college girl on this issue. But I don't really care. These are violent, gross, negative terms for a wonderful, natural, and needless to say, NECESSARY part of the female anatomy.

That "wound" is where you CAME INTO THE WORLD. That "gash" is the gateway to LIFE. Words and names have power.

Women and men need to stand up and say, "No. You will not refer to women and their bodies that way."

Are you with me? Great. Now run along. It's sunny this morning.