Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Tales From the Used Book Store: More SFF!

So about a month ago, I got a new phone--a downgraded, slightly lamer phone. Yes, I did this by choice. I wanted to cut down on our monthly bills. Besides, a writer/kickboxing instructor/ bookstore shop girl doesn't really need a smart phone.

But oh, I did like having one.

This is a roundabout way for me to make excuses about the quality of the photos you are about to enjoy. I need to get in the habit of bringing my camera to work. I hope the slightly poor quality doesn't lessen the humor of more gems I uncovered in the Fantasy/ Sci Fi section, all of which came up short in some area or another.


Least Intimidating Lord EverI think it's safe to assume that the lord in question pulled the short straw when they were doling out titles in Fantasyland. Not only that, but the poor guy is stuck riding around on a blue donkey.

I wonder if troll-bats sleep upside down...


2. Least Scary TitleOh yes, the terrifying dwarf dance. I remember when I first witnessed a Dwarf Dance, back in the 90's. They capered around under the disco ball to Total Eclipse of the Heart and kicked people in the knees.

I still can't hear that song without fighting the overwhelming urge to put on some shin guards.

3. Worst Dressed VillainSomeone needs to pull this Master of Evil aside and explain to him the basics of Villain Couture. A dress, a hipster vest, and a great necklace does not an evil lord make. And the scowl could use some work too.

On second thought, maybe his weak-sauce wardrobe is what got him all worked up in the first place. Like he's just burning that city because the mall didn't have a Hot Topic. Now that is a scary thought.


4. Least Fashion Forward Future FashionApparently in the future we're all going to wear puffed sleeved 80's turtleneck jumpsuits with matching gloves. This outfit looks surprisingly similar to a Barbie outfit I got for Christmas when I was a kid. You know, IN THE 80'S.

But then, Barbie has always been on the cutting edge of fashion. Right?


5. The Saddest Warlock EverEver since he was but a child, this warlock was different. He was always picked last in gym class. No one sat with him at lunch. Even the other warlocks thought he was a loser. One time they even made a big show of inviting him to their party but then it turned out that he wasn't really invited and the party WASN'T REALLY in the girls' locker room like they told him it was and all the girls were screaming and he started crying and of course they they got the whole thing on tape and showed it to the witch girl he had a crush on and she laughed and tossed her green hair and he ended up going to prom with a girl he had conjured up with magic and even she ended up ditching him for an underclassmen and...

***And now for something completely different***

Just because it was on my phone and because it makes me happy. Here is my new dress, which I window bought (re: gazed at while window shopping) in a boutique in Burlington, Vermont. It's the one in the middle. Isn't it pretty?

4 comments:

  1. Troll-bats, eh? I'm going to have to work that into conversation one of these days. And, sheesh, I don't think those covers could get much worse. >.<

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  2. "I don't think we're even getting a spring this year and have you seen the troll-bats? Tsk tsk."

    I like this game. It's fun.

    As for worse covers...have you ever read this post? http://jenniferambrose.blogspot.com/2010/12/tales-from-used-book-store-space-vamps.html

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  3. "By Troll-Bat, did you really think she wouldn't notice?"

    "The River of Time" makes me think of Diana Troy for some reason, but even more 80s. (And that sad warlock looks like he's riding the horse backwards, but I guess he's side-saddle? Hard to tell.)

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  4. Haha totally Diana Troy minus the cleavage!! I know, poor warlock. I assume it's a humorous story but it's so much more fun to act as if it's not.

    "Holy troll-bats, Batman!"

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