Jennifer, your posts are way way way too long. No one is going to read them. You should break them up, thereby making it appear as though you have more posts.
You are too wordy. So is Stephenie Meyer but she hit it *big* and now everyone loves that about her and she can brag about this defect sort of like a girl might brag about how hard it is to be blond because of all the attention she gets from men.
This is why you're no good at short stories.