Friday, July 3, 2009

Sleep and Vacuums

I can't sleep. It's 6 AM and I'm wide awake. This never happens. Usually my problem is falling asleep. Staying asleep is easy.

I guess you could call it stage fright. I'm so afraid that someone from my former blog *sniff* will come by here, and I'm hoping that they still like me even when I'm not giving things away for free.

(Let it be noted I would still give things away if I had anything to give other than my old Sony CD player that you can strap to arm and is the size of a small UFO.)

I keep going over my old posts, chastising myself for being so self absorbed, so serious. Why aren't I funnier? More confident? A little more like my alter ego.

Well, think of it this way: this blog is essentially me in my apartment talking to myself. Or when I'm really desperate, the vacuum cleaner. And I think we all know how those conversations go.

Me: A person could really go crazy wandering around the house all day. Good thing I don't have any yellow wallpaper.

Vacuum: I think my bag is full. Is my bag full?

Me: I've checked twitter five times in the last minute. Is that normal?

Vacuum: You know what I love? Sucking on wires. You just cram them in your mouth and suck suck suck.

Me: You know what you suck at? Conversation.

Vacuum: Well you shed too much * hair.

*I was tempted to put an expletive in there, but we know vacuums don't use that sort of dirty language.

I probably need to loosen up. That's always a safe assumption for me. Do more yoga, as my dad the newly graduated yoga instructor would tell me. Okay, he would tell me exactly what poses to try, at what time of day, after eating what type of food...he and I are a lot alike.

I don't know why I find it so hard to get back in bed if my husband is completely asleep. For some reason I take it as a personal insult whenever he jerks or huffs in a dream--as if he is trying to rub it in that he's dreaming while I'm awake. I don't think this is actually the case but I haven't been able to prove anything. He always plays innocent in the morning.

I think I'll go stare at him for a while and see if I can figure it out.

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