Tuesday, December 8, 2009

One of Those Days

Reader, I am having one of those days.

I love how general that phrase is, and yet everyone knows what it means. It's a roll your eyes, hug yourself, and call your mom kind of day. It's the kind of day that a good cup of Scottish tea can't fix. It's the kind of day when I know that a walk in the cold sunshine would help cheer me up, but I just can't bring myself to leave the apartment. It's the kind of day when wrapping Christmas presents feels like a chore instead of gift in itself. The kind of day when I stare at myself in the mirror and wonder how I can be sure that I really exist. And if I do exist, why? Would anyone notice if I didn't?

It's the kind of day I call an invisible day.

My sis and I named it that in high school because on invisible days people are always bumping into you in the hallway between classes as if they can't see you.

It's the kind of day when all I can think about are bad things. Like the fact that there IS no reader of this blog, just me. And besides that, this blog layout is awful and if I had half a brain I'd be able to figure out how to make my own site or something so this blog wasn't so horribly ugly to look at, and so blatantly unprofessional. It's the kind of day when my sis and I pick fights with each other, and take the low blows we know we shouldn't ever take. The kind of day when I feel totally worthless because I don't have a job, and therefore am not making any money. The kind of day when I can't even bare to read my regular publishing blogs because all the agents rolling their eyes over bad writing and pathetic queries feels like personal insults clearly referring to me.

It's the kind of day that Karen Carpenter's assurances that she'll be home for Christmas can't even fix.

2 comments:

  1. I know those days, have been having them myself lately. (Which is why I've been absent from this and my other regular writer/agent/editor blogs the past month or so.)

    These days -do- pass after a little while, but for me, it helps to know someone's out there, acknowledging my existence. I guarantee you have at least one reader out there, who smiles when she sees a new post.

    ~Sabrina

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  2. Thanks, Sabrina, that means so much! This feeling has been hanging over me lately, too. Maybe we can blame it on winter? Well, one thing is true: as you said, it will pass.

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