Endless Winter

Hello, Friend.

I'm sorry I haven't blogged in so long. I just don't have it in me. You guys, I am not feeling so happy. In fact, I feel like I'm teetering on the brink of Seafoam, staring out at the ocean and thinking about disappearing.

I'm so tired of reading college applications. After a while it just feels like I'm judging people harshly all day long. Every single day. No weekends for this girl. I am too busy judging you for only have three extracurricular activities instead of seven. And why aren't you president of all of them? What is wrong with you? Oh, you like spending time with your family? You must be lazy.

Sigh.

That's not a real window into the college application process, just how it feels to me sometimes. But I am overly Sensitive. This has been established long ago. So I think I take it all a little too much to heart.

I read applications from Africa on some days. They tend to write essays about war and alcohol abuse and poverty and even these shocking experiences start to blend together when you've read enough of them.

On other days I read applications from New England or California and they write essays about summer camp or going to China to work at an orphanage for one week and how it changed their lives and these make me feel even more critical and judgy after reading the Africa apps even though I've never been to summer camp nor have I helped out at an orphanage in China.

I miss writing. I have not been writing. It makes me feel like I have not been myself.

Anyway, just thought I'd write this down and roll it up in a bottle and send it bobbing along the surface of the endless black sea of the internet. We all have these days sometimes, don't we? Yes, I know we do. But the day passes and another one begins and the sun remembers to come out and everything is better. But today, today is hard.