Thursday, January 24, 2013

Does Not Meet Expectations

Hello, Reader.

Lately lots of people have been asking what I'm doing. See, my job situation hasn't been consistent for a while now, and it's easy to lose track (also I keep moving to different states).

I've been working in a liberal arts college's admission office (should I capitalize the "A" there? I worked as an editorial assistant on grammar handbooks back in the day, but mostly I learned how to look things up, and I just don't feel like doing that right now). From November through the end of March, it's Reading Season. That means we're reading applications and deciding who gets in and who doesn't.

So right now I work from home, reading applications all day.I'm naturally judgmental. Not only did I cultivate this tendency through interactions with my extended family (what can I say, we're opinionated...), but it's part of my personality too. I think I do a good job of assessing applications, but it means I spend a LOT of time judging people for a living. It spills into my own life and I find myself grading my own performance constantly.

Right now, in life, I'd have to give myself a C. And I DO NOT GET C's. Ever.

Sadly I have to admit that I'm not meeting expectations. I feel like I have only a tenuous hold on life. I'm barely squeezing in the necessary hours to work a full time freelance job while also training a 15 week old puppy, desperately trying to finish my novel revision (2/3s through it!), get back into teaching kickboxing, and figure out how you live in an entire house and still keep it relatively clean.

You guys, there are so many people in my life who deserve cards and gifts—oftentimes the gifts are waiting sullenly in my closet simply because I haven't gotten myself to the post office to mail them. I'm so sorry to all of you for neglecting you. I feel like I'm neglecting a lot right now. I don't even have a birthday gift for my twin sister yet (our birthday is this weekend). I'm just...trying to hang on, trying to get through one day at a time. It's not that life is bad right now, it's just picking up speed and I need to condition myself to the new pace.

Thanks I just needed to get that off my chest. Now, where's my coffee?

1 comment:

  1. it sounds to me like you need to give yourself a break. the worst feeling (she says from experience) is when there are just too many balls in the air and you feel like other people are judging/mad at you for it. which is the OPPOSITE of helpful, because it just tosses more balls into the air for you to juggle (imaginary bad feelings other people might have toward you because you don't have time to connect with them as much as you did before--or, on the flip side, real bad feelings people have for you, thereby indicating they don't deserve your time or energy after all because they're adding to your stress, not making your life better).

    everything is ok! even if it's different from the way it was before!

    new mantra: everything is ok!