The Case Against the Internet

Hello hello! I suppose I should apologize for the lack of blogging lately. If it's any consolation, I have also been snubbing twitter. Basically, I've been trying to stay offline as much as possible in order to get more revisions done. The internet is such a huge distraction that I've been trying to not turn it on at all. Let me explain why:

1. There's always something funny or educational to read. Want to know what menstrual cups are? Google it! Blame the INTERN for that one.

2. There's always something super duper adorable to look at! Want to watch a video of mini sheep with spectacular narration? Youtube it!

(Is youtube a verb yet? The other day I used "follow friday'd" as a verb to a published author, which is embarrassing to say the least.)

3. Twitter! It provides the illusion that you're building your "platform" as a writer when all you're really doing is elbowing for space on a very small platform like the ones that they set up in the middle of a valley of mud in one of those team building exercises. Each person rope swings over the mud onto the platform and you have to work together to keep everyone out of the mud. I think I just stumbled onto a great metaphor for the publishing industry! Except for the teamwork part.

4. Email. You can harass your twin sis all day while she's at work to get back at her for all the times she harassed you while she was home alone and unemployed. Strangely enough, it's not as fulfilling as it sounds.

5. Then there are the writing blogs that one should read in order to learn about the industry. You can glean a lot of fantastic information from these blogs but I at least also tend to get cramps and hives while reading them.

Take this great post for example. It's got lots of great advice but it's also FULL of admonishments for what not under-any-circumstances-including-threat-of-death-by-BritPop to do in your writing.

6. Facebook. Stalking people you don't care to call let alone email. Another fantastic way to measure your life against someone else's.

7. Blogger. Again, this should be building my "platform" as a writer except that I'm not funny or interesting enough. So all it's really doing is providing an outlet for my fears while sucking up time that should be spent revising my book!!!

I rest my case. Going to go unplug myself and get back to work.